Friday, January 18, 2013

"I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with my life."

I die more and more each day that I live and not do the one thing that I love.

Maybe I’m just overly creative, or maybe I’m just fucking worthless.

I need to find that one thing I’m good at, coz really that’s all this is about.

But the moment I stopped from that routine I’ve always hated, to go do whatever it is I wanted to do, Here I am again making new routines that isn’t even helping me.

Is there really nothing there for me?

I've realized that lately all my recent blog posts have been fucking depressing. Probably because, I'm an idiot who thinks writing about sad stuff would actually change anything. Well, it doesn't. And as many times, as I've promised myself to remove my lazy ass off my bed, I just never have the drive to.



**



Yesterday, I heard devastating news about an old high school batchmate of mine committing suicide. It's twisted, and horrible, and just really heartbreaking. We weren't really close, so I really don't understand what her friends and family are going through right now. I just hope, I don't get to go through anything like that at all. And I don't wish that feeling to anyone, ever. :(


From what I learned, she was suffering depression.


I was.


I still am, but I had people to talk to. I had friends, and relatives I get to open up with. She probably felt alone. But trust me, no one ever is alone.


Death is never the answer. And it pains me to know, that there are people who think that. People you know personally. People whom you've talked to once or twice. People who you know could have actually been somebody, if just somebody told them they were worth it.



No matter how hard you’re trying to cope, or how bad you feel your life is. You would always be able to get through all your problems. ALWAYS. Don’t be afraid to talk to people, and always listen. Because you never know how many lives you could save by just being a good listener.
It maybe too late for her now, but I hope it doesn’t have to be for others.

**

I made a promise to myself that no matter how down or how sad I feel. I would never resort to that. I made a promise that I would open up myself more to my friends and family, that if I feel sad or anything, I'd let them know. I'd let them in. and I'd let them listen, and be a listener as well to others.
Life is short. No matter what the circumstances.
Like what I've been told. If I want to do something. I have to do it now. So I wouldn't have to regret it later. I'm young, and I have a full life ahead of me. I need to be strong, for myself, and for everyone else. I need to be better, I need to be happier, and more importantly, 


I NEED TO BEGIN.


RIP LOURDES :(